My life just got much busier than I want it to be. As I posted recently, I added a new job to by very active schedule of going to seminary, being on the Board at our church and another Board for a local homeless shelter. Not to mention, I have relationships and family to tend to and of course the laundry. I’m out of breath some days even before I wake up. This is all my doing, my choices but somehow it overwhelms me.
So like all good UUs, I did what I thought would work, I thought about it, and thought about it and wrote out schedules and structured my life and had those serious conversations with my husband about how he needs to help more around the house. By the way he helps plenty already. But I wanted to find a rational organized way to solve my feelings of burden. This left part of my brain has served me well and yet it wasn’t working. I had a meltdown last weekend getting all weepy and whiney about what I had done to myself.
Then I talked with my Spiritual Mentor, a gift of the seminary I attend. First she confirmed what I knew, my life was too busy. But she didn’t suggest cutting things out or trying to schedule time for myself to meditate, exercise and eat right, all things that had gone out the window. She said something revolutionary. She said slow down and put your heart in control of your life. She suggested that although my well-ordered mind has served me well, this was a time for a different driver. She told me if I slowed down then I’d have more time! The moment she said these things to me, I felt a sigh of relief. You see I trust my heart I just don’t let it drive too often.
So I am one week in to leading with my heart and somehow I’m breathing easier. My life is still chock full but I walk slower everyplace I go and I drive the speed limit on the highway. Small things, I know, but I’m surprised at how much room I have found, room to watch the swirling clouds from my office window, room to listen deeply to my new colleagues, time to play with my dog and enjoy dinner with my honey. Maybe I’ve just replaced the constant chatter in my head that was saying, “Oh my God, how am I going to do all these things.” Replaced it with breathing, an important food for my soul. I also check in with my heart all the time, which allows me to trust my actions without question. I almost always second-guess my mind but I trust my heart. So one week in and I’m still busy but not whiney or weepy and sitting here watching the first real snow of the season, I feel blessed to have the life I lead.